don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
