Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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