someone owes me an orgasm
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
