party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it glows. i had to have it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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