Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
