just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
