Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's blow job season.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
