I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
