Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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