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You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
time to smoke my breakfast
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
