do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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