1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is the high leading the old right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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