Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
