TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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