my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
