I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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