At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
