So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
