Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
