Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
