i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
