his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
