i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
