I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
