Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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