Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
