remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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