I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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