I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
