Non-Jews are for practice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
