I want to have your abortion
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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