3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
