I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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