I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
