my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
