I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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