he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
