Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
