Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
