Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
