it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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