Who wears a wallet chain?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I checked into jail on foursquare
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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