Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
smell my finger.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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