Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
