did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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