She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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