I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
