I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
