I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
