I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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