Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
