All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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