matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
